you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
well you can't waste a boner
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
