I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
