Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
