Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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