dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
