I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
