that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
