made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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