i always forget guys have bellybuttons
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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