I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
