No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
