I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
