Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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