You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
