Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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