Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
