matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I am available for nakedness
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
