Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
