Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
