the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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