I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
