if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
