I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
