This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
