New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
