remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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