My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
