I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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