I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
