I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
