I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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