A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
