so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
