How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
