Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
