I look better un-naked...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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