I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
