Banned from zoo.
Again?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
