I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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