Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
