on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
No subtext here. People are naked.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
