there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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