I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
