If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
