Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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