Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
