My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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