So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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