wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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