I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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