3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
