She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
