What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
