he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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