I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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