my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
