Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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