dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize