2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
