How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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