I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
