Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
