ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
