I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
