Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
