It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
