someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
