Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Be still, my beating vagina.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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