Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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