Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
