my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
