your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
