I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
