I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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