I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
