Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
