I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
