Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
