He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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