Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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