She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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