If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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