good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I think my moral compass just broke
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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