On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
babies were throwing up all over the place
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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