I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
