hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
