I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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