Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
