Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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