He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
