saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
