just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
