I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
