Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
