I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
