so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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