I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
