all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
