i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
