someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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