he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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