Define "chronic" masturbator.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize