i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
