fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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