just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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