Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize