Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
i think i just lost a toe
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
