I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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