btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So vagazzling was a success
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