Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
