Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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