I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
And then my night got REAL pukey
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
