Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
