we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
