Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
