I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
