Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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